Silence was broken in a once serene penthouse apartment.
An alarm bellows in the darkness, the young Geoffrey Hart attempts to tune out the intermittent howl that he knew was going to separate him from the dream world that had claimed him for much of the night.
He attempts the awkward throwing of the arm to hit the snooze button while maintaining some connection to both sides but it never works, the mind and body must be aware of each other in order to bridge the gap and mobilize.
The noise gets louder and louder as he tears himself away and…… SMASH…..!
The silence is euphoric, now if only he could get back to sleep and back to his dream, it was a good one; answers were there this time for sure.
Hart had been in shambles for a few days waltzing on the edge of failure as he attempts to bring forth possibly the greatest psychological breakthrough since Freud.
He has been developing a new paradigm of psychology called non-Dual psychology by making incredible connections between the conscious and the sub-conscious through Psychology coupled with different forms of meditation. He now has come to an obstacle that has prompted him to examine his own dreams to find some consistencies.
Hart’s research was based on both dreams and meditation taking us to the same place in the subconscious but it’s the amount of control we choose to have that separates the two. During meditation we control how deeply into this place we delve, but do the true answers untainted by intention, opinion, and expectation emerge only when we are completely detached?
Ten minutes and nothing, he knew it was ten minutes because the howling of the snoozed alarm started distorting his thoughts again. There was no way he was going to get back.
This time he glanced at the clock, it was 4 am. Why the hell would he set his alarm this early?
Aaaah, the haze gently lifted from the cobweb infested conscious state, where he wished he had stayed.
The meeting, it was in 4 hours. What was he going to say?
Results! That’s what they want, results! They are the ones paying for results and Hart was on the promising end. All he had to offer them were a handful of people that don’t have the intellectual capacity to accommodate the complex ideas needed to necessitate any advancement, and just as many bordered on lunacy by his hand! They were confused and disoriented in an attempt to understand by holding tighter and tighter instead of letting go.
Hart felt there was a way to reach the masses in such a way that would alter the consciousness of the world and he knew he was on the right track; he could feel it in the very core of his being.
Grasping at straws Hart frantically stumbled around fishing through the countless pages littered all around the apartment, fragments of what was once a brilliant idea. He was desperately searching for something that would buy him a little more time.
He had been through all of it a thousand times; what would be different now? Especially since he was trying to function on two hours sleep after a half dozen gin and tonics, his mind was certainly not running on all cylinders.
He needed to clear his head, something fresh and new that would add to the situation and give it some clarity. Hart pulled out the dream diary that he had been writing in ever since he started this crazy journey. He always wrote in as much detail as possible and then went back and highlighted consistencies and connections. He started to write the newest entry.
Nov 11, 2009
It started on the top of a mountain with a woman, a beautiful woman; I know I recognized her by the familiar way she made me feel. I had that warm feeling of acceptance, like she could see through all the veils that I drape over myself to help me feel as if I were navigating through this world as one of them, just a simple guy living in the world. She could see unadulterated to the center of my very Being.
This could be a frightening thing for most people but not her; she knows that it is this person at the center that is reciprocating the same feeling.
Maybe it is my longing for this feeling that was promoting her appearance in my dream; it isn’t likely I will find this in the world so I enjoy the sweet time I spend with her in this place.
It must be her eyes, they carry this incredible depth. Not that she is seeing straight through me but more as if her eyes go so deep that that I can see myself reflected in the foundation of her emotions, as if she felt a love so intense for me that I had no choice but bathe in the warmth it created.
It was her that was the driving force here, the motivation I found myself latching onto in order to help me make the decisions coming forth. But even with this energy surrounding me I still couldn’t lose the feeling that the world around me was not right, it had changed since last time. I had always dreamed about a destruction that was symbolic of the deterioration of the fabric of man, but this felt different.
A patterned thumping arose to my ears and I realized we were in motion.
Why were we running?
Was it this corrupt feeling of not having control? I looked around and started to see through the translucent glaze that covered the rest of the world. I could see her so clearly… oh could I see her.
She filled me with the desire to move, to follow her in any direction. It didn’t matter where, when, or how as long as I stayed full of this warm feeling of perfect balance, but why running?
Ah yes, as the haze started to lift I began to see everything clearly now.
Why were we on the top of a mountain?
There was a constant thundering of a dreamlike inconsistency that confirmed the lack of reality. We were running on a paved road on the top of a mountain…. but were we running away from or toward something?
We rounded a nearby corner and the answer became clear, people were dashing toward us and I had this sudden urge to join them; I looked at my female companion to suggest such an action when I realized that I didn’t know her name!
Such an incredible familiarity and I had no label to attach! I only have a moment with this thought when the mountain starts to shake as if we were in a child’s piggy bank as the ice-cream man was driving by.
I take just enough breath to stitch together two words…
What the hell!
There is an avalanche racing UP the mountain!
I grabbed her arm and ran the other way as the thought quickly races to my mind that this is definitely conforming to my regular destructive-symbolic theory.
We ran faster and faster only to find that the faster we tried to go, the heavier my feet felt. We rounded the bend with our hearts pounding so hard it was as if this was the cause of the thunderous shaking of the massive mountain.
As we skirted a second corner the confusion started to fade, in front of us we find a snow-covered cliff that would shame the steepest runs of Blackcomb Mountain.
In the middle of the steep mountain slope slid a man that had apparently fallen off as he was running around the very corner on which we stood.
I knew instantly that it was my purpose to save this man, and as I glanced at the goddess beside me it was confirmed. I looked at her as if she didn’t know the very essence of my existence, and she quickly returned a look as if to say “last one down doesn’t save the day!”
On that note I dove head-first off the side of the mountain knowing in some crazy twisted way it was for her, and she quickly followed.
A moment quickly passed before I realized that if I’m going to save this man I would have speed things up so I quickly assumed the shooting pencil position I had seen on Point Break and other skydiving movies, this seemed to work because I started to accelerate explosively.
I began to feel the cold burning of the mountainside on my stomach as I closed in on the target. Fear started to set in exponentially as we approached the end of the run.
It was only thousands of feet down with jagged rock to cushion our fall if we launch over that next cliff up ahead, what was the problem?
Realizing that it’s not the fear of death but the fear of failure that started to consume me I reached for his arm and nab it just in time to anchor myself to a neighboring sapling.
Seeing a nearby treed area I swiftly swung my new friend over, released him and grabbed my girl as she slid by.
Dangling limply, we looked up to see the enormous body of snow thundering our way with devastating intensity and no sign of benevolence.
We quickly began swaying back and forth until it was just enough for her to grab a tree branch and I released us both over to the treed area to join the mystery man.
The world continued to shake as we watched the tones of snow fly by that chased us up one side of the mountain and down the other.
Yes! We finally achieved that sweet release of being safe for a moment when I suddenly realized that the man I saved was gone!
A little taken back I thought maybe that wasn’t the point, and what part of me did he represent anyway?
(The psychologist arising)
But I learned a long time ago that searching for these answers will inhibit them from being seen, the answers always come to an open mind in time, besides I can take this moment to wrap myself in the eyes of the divine creature that accompanied me. I know what she represented, everything I ever wanted to be. She was a paragon of love itself.
Not knowing where we were going but knowing it was the right direction we shuffled through the woods surrounding ourselves in each others’ presence until we saw what seemed to be beautiful sunshine peeking through the trees.
I love the sun; it’s an almost physical version of the incredible emotional warmth I had been feeling with her.
Exiting the cover of the trees into the glorious warmth of the sun, we stood in awe as the oddities of the dream continued to unfold. There in front of us was an amazingly beautiful beach, warm off-white sand, crystal clear water…. and a series of structures being built just off shore?
There were several half-framed skeletons of what looked to be small houses being built in the water just offshore; construction workers were dancing around like fire ants in frenzy. Nevertheless, the feeling of serenity meant there might be a break to the twisted state of this obscure reality.
Just as the thought entered my head I sat down in the sand and she quickly sat beside me. I put my arm around her as if to say… “There is nothing we can’t manage”
She looked at me and said with warmth in her eyes “I don’t mean to be a bitch but….”
Continuing her thought with a short glance at my arm that I knew meant an invasion of space. All too familiar with this playful banter I removed my arm.
She responded by putting her arm around me tenderly, rubbing my back and laying her head on my shoulder.
Now this, this felt so right.
That’s what I loved about her; she was completely independent of me or anything else for that matter. She didn’t need me, I didn’t need her, and that made this the perfect relationship.
No labels or expectations just enjoying each other as “us” in this pure form and allowing each other to grow together but independent of each other. I felt as though when we were apart we were separate, but when we were together we became unified as one perfectly balanced being.
I then wondered if it could ever be like this in the real world. If that were the case I could wait the rest of my life for such a thing. Just the possibility of this would keep me in perfect bliss; I would then be open to and never settling for anything less than perfect relationship.
Just when I thought there couldn’t be a more incredible place, my baby girl came running up and gave me a big hug.
I tried to drift away into perfect nothingness but started to get sucked back by the intense feeling that I have to be here, there is so much that needs to be done and people to help.
The world started to shake again, the waters started to rise and the ocean started to swallow the little skeleton houses, construction fire ants and all!
The fear set in again, the intense fear that I can feel not from inside of me but from the outside, I am not afraid but I can feel everyone else’s fear so intensely that it absorbs into my skin and starts to consume me at the very core.
I looked at her and she knew we needed to start running again.
“Sammy! Where is your brother?” I said to my little girl as we start bolting back towards the mountain and away from the rising water.
At that point I knew my little boy was safe in a place up the mountain that we seemed to be heading toward.
I then realized that no one in my dreams usually talks but I always know what they are saying, as if the answer came before the question but the question needed to be asked to understand what the meaning of the answer was. This started to give me this incredible feeling of perfect communication.
I knew this rising water, I have seen it before in other dreams. Last time I saw it rise and swallow my home in British Columbia as I tried to save my family. Faced with the terrible reality that I couldn’t save them all, I ran knowing some of them were going to die; again racing toward the mountain to avoid certain death, the water somehow climbing up the mountain after me.
As the three of us headed up the mountain, a community of small hut-like houses began to appear suspended on the cliff-side, I could feel which one to head towards so we went straight in that direction.
We walked through the door and I was stunned to have recognized two people from my past, they were brothers that I hadn’t seen in years; one of the brothers was my best friend David and the other his brother Rodney.
I looked at them knowing that they were there because they knew I was the only one that could get them through the bizarre things that were transpiring around us.
I immediately started to apologize to David for not keeping in touch, and for the odd way we parted company, by offering him a hug for comfort; he swiftly denied and proceeded into what appeared to be the kitchen.
Rodney quickly responded by giving me a big hug to express his relief for my finally being there.
I then followed David into the kitchen to find him leaning as he always did on the counter looking at the wall in confused contemplation. I walked over to him and he finally gave me that hug that was symbolic of a much needed unity.
When I initially walked through the door I noticed the two girls heading deeper into the house and then began to emerge with my son.
“Joey!” I screamed and then ran over to him and squeezed him so tight. I asked everyone to give me a moment with my son because I knew I needed to talk with him.
“Joey…” I said with a worried, concerned parental tone “…there are things happening that may seem scary and I want you to know you are safe with me, but I want you to have something….”
I reached into my pocket and pulled out what seemed to be an elaborate Swiss Army knife that resembled one my father had when I was a boy.
“…I want you to have this, if anyone comes near you and you feel threatened I want you to protect yourself do you understand?”
I handed him the knife and he proceeded to examine it with excitable six-year-old eyes, but as he opened the knife he cut himself slightly and I came to the dreadful realization that he was too young to understand, that he still needed me so much, I told him to be careful and to put the knife in his pocket.
Glancing out the window I noticed the water line getting higher and higher with each monstrous wave crashing into the mountainside, smashing everything in its way.
I gathered everyone together to get out of there and embark further on our incredible journey.
Everyone gathered his or her things to get ready for departure. I had to sneak one last moment in with the nameless goddess that appeared to be my ultimate motivating force.
I knew she was the key; the way she made me feel was nothing short of complete and utter bliss. I needed a way to find this in my waking life for this will hold the answers for everything.
I was gazing into her beautiful blue eyes when I started to wake up, god damned alarm!
Hart felt a little better as he wrote everything down. He knew that in his experience, things generally unfold as they should, and this was his destined path. If failure and losing his grant was in the cards then it was up to him to learn from the situation and move forward.
He took a deep breath, dusted himself off and started to get ready for the meeting.